How to Piss Off and Overall Annoy Demons



If you're like me, you're probably struggling during Lent and need to go back to confession or need to try to be more disciplined in fasting and prayer.

It's during this time especially that Old Scratch likes to throw a wrench in the gears with various annoyances like car gremlins and near heart attacks. The aim of the game is to piss you off and discourage you from gaining traction in attaining holiness and overcoming sin.

So why not flip the script? If I'm having such a bad day, why shouldn't he? Yes, Jesus says turn the other cheek and offer to your enemy your other cheek, but He was talking about human adversaries, not demons.

Should we go on provoking the Devil? Absolutely not! That is spiritually dangerous and rooted in pride. I'm writing this in good humor and jest. What you can do, however, is fortify your home like a proverbial Macaulay Culkin (like Kevin in Home Alone). We can incorporate sacramentals and devotional practices that aid us in our spiritual growth but also annoy and drive out Satan.

1) Holy Water

Having a holy water font by your front door is a good idea so that you can bless yourself and your family coming to and from home.

Regularly sprinkling holy water around the home is useful, especially if it's Theophany water or blessed and exorcised holy water. I have even heard of some people who had such problems with dark forces that they put their holy water in a spray bottle like they were squirting a mischievous house cat.

Drinking holy water is also very efficacious; this is usually done after Theophany when we have the Hallowing of Waters. If you store enough, you can sprinkle a little in your drinking water or food.

2) Blessed Salt

Using blessed salt—especially if it's blessed on Pascha (Easter Sunday) or if it's blessed and exorcised salt—is very good. Many people use it in their food, but you can also use it on your windowsills to keep demons from coming into your home.

3) Blessed Candles

Burning blessed candles provides spiritual protection and drives out the Devil, but they can also be used in the worship of God or the veneration of His saints (for example, lighting blessed candles before your prayer corner with icons or statues).

The best way to do this is to have a 3 or 7-day candle and safely leave your candle lit as a perpetual offering.

4) Blessed Oil

You can bless olive oil and anoint walls and doorways with the sign of the cross. Many people burn blessed oil in oil burners or hanging lamps (lampadas). This is particularly common amongst Eastern Catholics but also amongst Western Latin Catholics as well.

In the Roman Catholic Church, there is a devotion of burning a perpetual oil lamp before an image of the Holy Face of Jesus, specifically the Veil of Veronica. The devotion does not specify the type of image, but the two most commonly used are the Veil of Veronica (usually a lithograph engraving of an artistic rendition of the actual relic in Rome) or the negative image of the Shroud of Turin. Technically, if I understand correctly, any image of His face can be used, be it the Eastern Catholic Icon Not Made With Hands (otherwise known as the Mandylion), any artistic rendition of the Veil of Veronica, or a close-up of His face like in many icons and paintings of the Ecce Homo. The Chaplet of the Holy Face of Jesus is a powerhouse of spiritual warfare prayers, (Psalm 68 and 67 in the Douay-Rheims Bible) and having a perpetual lamp burning before an image of our Lord would make a home practically inhospitable for the Devils.

5) Blessed Incense

Burning blessed incense and censering the home blesses your home and keeps out—or drives out—evil spirits.

6) Blessed Chalk

Using blessed Epiphany chalk to bless the lintels or thresholds of a home (traditionally 20 + C + M + B + Year) is very efficacious, and you could even use the chalk to write spiritual warfare prayers or scripture verses on the wall.

7) Icons and Crosses

Placing blessed icons, sacred art, and crosses or crucifixes around the home—over the mantle, prayer corner (kiot), or over doors and windows—fortifies the home as a spiritual command center or war room and also creates a sacred space for family prayer.

8) St. Anthony’s Brief

An image, printing, or wall scapular of this minor exorcism prayer (based on Revelation 5:5): "Behold the Cross of the Lord! Begone, all evil powers!" helps keep evil spirits out of the home.

9) Purple Scapular

A purple wall scapular, especially when practicing the devotional prayers associated with it, protects the home from danger, destruction, or apocalyptic chastisements (based on the private revelations of Blessed Marie-Julie Jahenny).

10) St. Benedict Medals

Placing blessed and exorcised St. Benedict medals over doors and windows is also extremely effective and keeps demons from entering. People also bury medals around the four corners of a property to protect their home and keep the Devil out.

11) Sacred Music

Playing Byzantine Orthodox Chant or Gregorian Chant is unbearable for the demons. There are even exorcist chants and the Jesus Prayer in chant form that can be played on YouTube, YouTube Music, or any music app.

12) Prayer

​Above all, fill your home with prayer—both private and family prayer.

​So, before you have a nervous breakdown, drink half a bottle of bourbon, and try to fight the Devil, throw a spiritual chancla at El Diablo by pursuing God in prayer and humility and making your home a holy place.

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